Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Are we there yet?

It has been five whole months since I have moved back to Haiti. I am happy to report that so far I am still alive, contrary to many beliefs no one has kidnapped me yet (mandé Bondye padon) and I have not been affected by cholera. Success, huh?
Looking for work was the hardest part of the whole process but thankfully as everyone predicted within three months I was fully employed in Haiti. I feel such pride and worth in saying that I found work all by myself, I didn’t have any “push” or “contact”. It is safe to say that my qualifications got me the job.  So far I love it here, the work in itself is great, but somehow I don’t see myself doing it for long.   
Coming to Haiti was bigger than me, it was not just about finding “a” job, it was about finding a career and work in something I am passionate about. It was about giving back my talents and abilities to Haiti so that I can proudly say one day that I helped in the efforts towards taking Haiti from point A to B. Delusional I know! It is still early, but that’s the void in me. I am longing to find that “thing” to do where I would feel happy and fulfilled every day. 
I am praying for the opportunity to bring change to people’s lives, the chance to help them better themselves, so that Haiti in turn can be better.  I long to bring a smile to a child, who hopefully will make him, even if temporarily; forget that he lives in a land that offers him no opportunity. I just would love, for a second, to believe that my move will and can mean something more than collecting a paycheck, going to the beach and being reintroduced to my mother land.   
I have done a lot in five months, more than I thought I could do. The decision to move was huge, adjusting is another achievement and I have accomplished that quite nicely. I can say that as far as Haiti is concerned I am on the road to personal success. Yet, I haven’t done enough.  So I will devote the rest of this year, to find ways to give more of myself, my time and my talent to Haiti.  It is truly time for me to develop this “give and take” relationship with the country. I will hold myself accountable to not only talk of a better country but actively work towards a better country.  As I enjoy and bathe in the beautiful sun of Haiti I need to commit to doing what I came to do.  I shall never escape that promise, because it is by giving of me that my emptiness will be filled. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I know that I haven't blogged in almost two months. I have a lot to share, yet they don't make it past my forehead. 


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Finally here......

Its been a while since I have blogged, I was busy taking the plunge of my life. So, finally, after the many back and forth trips I am in Haiti. I plan to be here for however long it takes, hopefully Haiti doesn't kick me out again :-)
Kids are adjusting, I was worried about them not "Liking" it, well as expected they LOVE it so far. Alexa complains about the mosquitoes, which she calls "mouche". Dimitri is not getting used to the heat yet, but its a matter of time until he settlles in.
My father in loving this, he gest to permenantly be a grandfather. That I enjoy seeing on a daily basis. I am being spoiled...I know it wont last long. I am like the "just come"...everything I think of wanting I get. What a wonderful week it has been so far.
I will keep everyone posted on the time here, I feel its important to blog about my adventure, the good and the, I will try my hardest to update on a weekly basis.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Black Love...

February is here! I am always excited to welcome a new month!  February being here means that I survived January, with everything that it brought.  Until I moved to the States, I only thought of Valentines’ day when it came to February.  The LOVE month; the month we go all out, well some of us.   I remember visiting Madrid a few years back, on a 14th of February, the whole city was covered in red roses, and hotels were sold out! They take that holiday that seriously.
Between Black History month and Valentine’s Day, I am feeling inspired to write about black love. Not that I have any type of prejudice against any other type or color of love….I only know about black love.  I’ve only really had a chance to admire black love.  Something about being loved and feeling loved and knowing you are loved by a black man is just magical. I won’t even venture into a Haitian man; I will keep it generalized to all black man.
I truly feel like it takes a certain woman to understand, comprehend, and appreciate a black man.  A black man, to me, often time comes with a baggage, whether it be frustration, the feeling of being misunderstood, not being good enough, it’s always something that makes them need the constant reassurance of a solid, loving woman.  It took me sometime to be that woman, but I think I am closer to being there. Love takes work; I was too young to process that before. If I knew than what I know now, about love, about my black man……….I would have made fewer mistakes, I would have loved him more, not just with my heart but my head and my complete being.
I am no expert in relationships; Lord knows I go through my ups and downs!  So much so that I am shocked at every single day that finds me still in love with my black man. Without a doubt in my head and heart, my black man loves me, he’s own way. My friends always joke around and say that he “really” loves me, the kind of love that most girls look for. He looks out for me, and always makes sure I see and feel like he has my best interest in mind.  How much our love has grown? Who would have thought? It took me simply understanding and appreciating him, for who is he to fully benefit from the love he has for me.
As the days get closer for me to move, I start to wonder how will I make it? He has truly become my black prince charming; who will look for me in the middle of the night? Who will scratch my hair, and release the constant tension in my neck? Who will cover my feet in the middle of the night, and shower me with random kisses?  Who will I cuddle with in the middle of the night? Who will wake me up in the night for those pillow talks? Whose attention will I have, whose smile, look, love? Who will call me 15 times in a row while I am out? Who’s going to spoil me, and seek out my presence all day long? Who will watch my sappy shows with me?
I pray that black love gets me through this separation….I pray that our love becomes stronger as the days goes by!

Monday, January 31, 2011

No more Drama....please

This past week was though, to say the least.  I swear sometimes I think I stay in the drama club. The more drama free I think I am, the more drama creeps up on me.  I had to sit back this past week and do a little introspective, questioning my issues and how I might contribute to the staying and perpetuating of the drama in my life.  Enough with the drama already! This time, I take none of the blame, I swear. I can be a pest, I acknowledge that, but this time around, I really, truly didn’t do it.  I have gone through dramas that make me feel like I am riding on the worse roller coaster ever, yet this time can’t compare. For some reason, this ride is rougher, these tracks rise in patterns I’m unfamiliar with, and these inversions have left me upside down.  Can someone please flip the switch? Can I be brought back to earth? Where things are usually OK for me, where people respect each other and look out for each other.

This past week was tough, to say the least.  My sister, Farah keeps reminding me that the only way I can survive life is to lower my expectations in people. The higher I put them, the more I hurt when they let me down. As if them letting me down is to be expected. We’ve all fall short, I know that. But am I to lower how I see people? My expectations, do I change them to fit how short people fall? What will be left then? Shouldn’t people aim higher? Whatever happened to accountability and trust and integrity?  Again, why should I change my standards to accommodate someone who obviously doesn’t really get it? So many questions, I know!

This past week was tough, to say the least.  I am not perfect; far from that! Ewww …I am guilty of some of the unimaginable acts, therefore I would never act like I am on a pedestal looking down and scolding others for doing wrong.  The only big difference between me and most is that I acknowledge my wrongs and am woman enough to always apologize.  Does an apology change the acts? It does not; I agree.  The apology helps though, it tells me that yes I messed up, but you know what, I was wrong. I am working on being better and not repeating those acts towards you or anyone else.  An apology can make or break a dramatic situation.  Not apologizing simply scream that the guilty party does not care, that by all means necessary they are and will not accept blame for the wrong they have done. That hurts more than the actual act; my opinion.

This past week was though, to say the least.  But notice how it’s in the past tense. Then so am I with this drama. Everyone who knows me knows that I am somewhat of a cry baby, well a huge cry baby.  Yet, I have not been able to drop not one tear…not sure that I am sad, just shocked that it all had to end like this.  Now that I have my big girl panties on, I am ready to tackle whatever comes my way, my way! I still hold people on a pedestal; I don’t want to even think that I can’t. Thinking that way will make me feel like I truly live in a jungle, with animals. Where everyone is out to fend for themselves. I don’t want to even think that way; yet.  So I am still confident that people are good at heart, they just make mistakes. I pray that they learn from them and most importantly man/woman up when they do fall and admit to their faults so that closure can be brought and trust restored.  Although in this particular instance, I won’t hold my breath…

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Things I absolutely LOVE 

I have a lot on my mind tonight, yet no words comes to mind....funny huh? .....So I wanted to keep it light and just share a little about me! I will add to this whenever! Comment if you would! That way I know you stopped by...
I literally Love the color not the movie, well i like the movie, but the COLOR...get it?
I have cracked a couple of teeth on those, but they are a fav of mine!
Why can't we just wear flip flops every where and all the time?
I always LOVED cake...but I have this new found love for cupcakes...something about biting through the icing and getting into the cake! YUMMY
Eye Shadow....the crazier the color the more in love i am!
Do you really need a caption???
I dont like menthy flavored gum...THESE I love!
Who doesn't like Nutella? I eat it out of the jar, with a spoon!
What did we do before Pandora?
Do you remember life before Google?
Crazy hair accessories! The crazier the better...

Monday, January 24, 2011

Inside Story - The new variable in Haiti

Haiti Earthquke - HAARP - Jesse Ventura- Truth Exposed

Hate when I am behind schedule...

I am so behind scheduled its not even funny! I was suppose to be out of here by today, but my plans have been pushed back at least 2 weeks. I have been cultivating the art of not asking questions, so I am going with the flow, waiting patiently for things to unfold on their own.
I have had the Sunday from hell, so much so that I want to crawl into a hole and stay there, until everything around me starts to make sense again. These last few weeks I MUST make things happen, one final push so that I can finally get this ball rolling.

I cannot afford to cater to outside distractions. This year, so far the same lesson keep resurfacing...stay motivated on yourself and your family. The people who matter the most. Do not give any more of yourself towards anyone or anything else. So, for once, I must not be stubborn. I must listen and do as I am told. Motivation, the name of  the game!


My day through images....Not much words for the day I had...:-(

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Discours de l’ancien dictateur Jean Claude Duvalier

Chers amis de la presse,

Je vous remercie d’avoir répondu à mon invitation de ce jour et saisis cette opportunité qui m’est offerte de m’adresser a mes concitoyens.
Très brièvement, je vous dirai combien j’ai été favorablement impressionné par l’accueil qui m’a été réservé depuis l’Aéroport International Francois Duvalier pour cette visite, surtout par cette foule de jeunes qui ne m’ont pas connu.

Cela donne chaud au cœur. M di yo mèsi anpil, m’te kontan viv moman sa-a.
Cela dit, je sais à quel point nombre de vous sont curieux de savoir l’objet de mon retour à Port-au-Prince après un quart de siècle d’absence. Cette question est sur toutes les lèvres.
En effet, j’ai voulu rendre un hommage aux nombreuses victimes du séisme dévastateur du 12 janvier 2010 qui a fait, selon des estimations officielles, trois cent seize mille (316.000) morts. Malheureusement, je ne suis pas arrivé à temps pour cette commémoration.

Chers compatriotes,
Me voici revenu vous témoigner de ma solidarité en cette période extrêmement difficile de la vie nationale où vous êtes encore des centaines de milliers à vivre à la belle étoile, au milieu des ruines. Dès l’instant que j’ai pris la décision de revenir en Haiti pour commémorer avec vous, dans notre pays, ce triste anniversaire, je m’attendais à toute sorte de persécutions ; mais croyez-moi, le désir de participer à vos cotés, à cette Konbit pour la reconstruction nationale, dépasse de loin les tracasseries auxquelles je pourrais être confronté… Peu importe le prix à payer, l’essentiel pour moi étant de me trouver avec vous. Et j’affirme qu’à ce titre, tous les Haïtiens et Haïtiennes de bonne volonté ont le droit de vouloir y prendre part.

Je saisis cette occasion pour présenter publiquement mes sympathies à mes millions de partisans qui, après mon départ volontaire d’Haiti, afin d’éviter un bain de sang et de faciliter le dénouement rapide de la crise politique, en 1986, ont été livrés à eux-mêmes. Des milliers ont été lâchement assassinés, boucanés, grillés, suppliciés au « pè lebrun », mot devenu tristement célèbre ; leurs maisons, leurs biens pillés, déchoukés , incendiés. Et tout cela, sous les feux des caméras du monde entier.
Je saisis aussi cette occasion pour exprimer, une fois de plus, ma profonde tristesse à l’endroit de mes compatriotes qui se reconnaissent, à juste titre, d’avoir été victimes sous mon gouvernement.

Jeunesse de mon pays,
Durant mon long séjour en France, j’ai toujours été attentif à vos cris et à vos malheurs. J’ai vécu vos moments difficiles avec beaucoup de peine et de chagrin. C’est à vous, futurs leaders de ce pays, qu’il convient d’assumer la relève et montrer au monde que l’âme haïtienne est bien vivace et forte.
Et comme pour parodier le Révérend Martin Luther King : « quand vous ferez en sorte que la cloche de la réconciliation nationale puisse résonner dans tous les cœurs et que nous la laissions carillonner dans chaque commune, dans chaque ville, dans chaque quartier , dans chaque foyer, alors, nous pourrons hâter la venue du jour où tous les enfants d’Haiti, hommes et femmes, vieux et jeunes, riches et pauvres, ceux de l’intérieur comme ceux de la diaspora, puissent marcher la main dans la main sans exclusion et participer ensemble à la renaissance d’Haiti ».

Tel est le message de mon retour.

Vive Haiti ! Que Dieu nous bénisse !


Friday, January 21, 2011

My silly Rabbits!

 I love them, I live for them

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

As the world turns.....

Today I was thinking about life, and I thought of my dad…
My dad is a hand’s on kind of father. Growing up he was always there. Some kids complain about their parents not being present in their lives, well for me it was different. Let’s just say that by the time I was fifteen I was really wishing and praying for the type of dad who did not notice the smallest of things.  I remember the conversations around the dinner table in the afternoons, I remember him making sure we are studying.  I remember the fun times; hanging out at the house, the trips to Jacmel, Port-de-Paix, etc.  Dad putting together a baptism ceremony for our dolls when we were little girls, he and mom took care of all the details, taking the celebration further than we could have ever imagined. Guests were invited, mom sewed the doll’s dresses, a cake was made, and small little finger foods were prepared and served. Dad acted like the pastor and the little dolls lives were presented to God.  He was and remains to be that kind of a dad.
My dad has this land in Cesselesse, Haiti, I vividly remember him talking about it. How he would build five houses on it; four in each corner of the land and one in the middle, he would describe with such passion how once he retired he would take our kids to school in the morning, or take them on the weekends so that we could enjoy our lives.  Again, dad was a hand’s on kind of father who could not wait to see us graduate from school and get married.   I remember him talking about us getting married in the house we lived in; he would detail how it would happen and all.
My dad is and always was a stand up guy, excessively cautious some might say. He never really took risks or shortcuts; he always went about things the way they were supposed to be done.  Until this day, complete strangers tell me, how he is a stickler for order and discipline. I have had people who work with him tell me that because of him they missed out on a lot of illegal “opportunities”, he just would not allow it. Ironic for someone who was part of an institution blamed for so much injustice and unfairness.  To many, it almost goes against logic, to say that someone who was part of the Haitian military was a stand up guy. How do you defend that? I can, many others can and have.  
My dad is the silent type guy, the more he is in the shadow the better. High ranked, yet no one knew him. I went to school with people my whole life who never even knew who and or what my father was or did. Following those facts I am always puzzled by how life turned on him, us as a family.  How is it that he became a victim? Many have been victimized; I am focusing on my dad though, because I know him. I can vouch for him and loudly say that he was done wrong.  The taste of life has been taken away from him unjustly. 
Today I was thinking about life and thought of dad, thought about how my dad’s life would be right now, had he been a doctor, or a social worker.  I remember his stories of how he wanted to go to medical school, or to become a social worker. How, for a good part of his life he wanted to work in human services; any field that worked or dealt with developing and helping people. I
Today I was thinking about life and thought of dad, wondering if the cards had been played differently if he would have lost a good part of his adulthood as he has now.  My dad has missed most of our graduations, he’s only seen me get married and that’s because I got married in Haiti. I remember him complaining that he hasn’t gotten to witness any of his girls pregnant yet, he still has some grand children that he has never met.  Quite frankly the others he has met them but they don’t know him. My dad, not being around us and his grand kids to spoil them is just wrong; its injustice in its pure form.  This is truly the worst thing that could have ever happened to such a family man as my dad.
So today, I was thinking about life and just got real upset! Upset at how it can destroy a man in a sense.  I miss and think about how our lives could have been a lot, especially lately.  I think of all of those wonderful plans we had as a family but I am left with a dad stuck in Haiti, a mom sick in Boston, a brother in Afghanistan, niece and nephew in California, me moving back to Haiti, leaving a husband and sisters in Tampa! Is that really the essence of life? What good are we to each other as a family when we are all away from each other? Is that what we signed up for? Where did we go wrong? What happened? Can you piece it back together Lord? 
My hope is that one day soon, before his taken from us, he gets to enjoy those tiny little pleasures of life again. I hope that for every year he is away from us, God adds a couple of more to his, so that we can all enjoy the great reunion. Hoping!  

President Jean-Bertrand Aristide Statement, January 19, 2011

Dr Jean-Bertrand Aristide

Former President of Haiti

19 January 2011

I would like to thank the government and the people of South Africa for the historic hospitality, deeply rooted in Ubuntu, extended to my family and I.

Since my forced arrival in the Mother Continent six and a half years ago, the people of Haiti have never stopped calling for my return to Haiti . Despite the enormous challenges that they face in the aftermath of the deadly January 12, 2010 earthquake, their determination to make the return happen has increased.

As far as I am concerned, I am ready. Once again I express my readiness to leave today, tomorrow, at any time. The purpose is very clear: To contribute to serving my Haitian sisters and brothers as a simple citizen in the field of education.

The return is indispensable, too, for medical reasons: It is strongly recommended that I not spend the coming winter in South Africa ’s because in 6 years I have undergone 6 eye surgeries. The surgeons are excellent and very well skilled, but the unbearable pain experienced in the winter must be avoided in order to reduce any risk of further complications and blindness.

So, to all those asking me to return home, I reiterate my willingness to leave today, tomorrow, at any time. Let us hope that the Haitian and South African governments will enter into communication in order to make that happen in the next coming days.

United to the Haitian people, once again my family and I express our sincere gratitude to the government and the people of South Africa .

Dr Jean-Bertrand Aristide

Monday, January 17, 2011

Game of chess...

This will be short; I mean what's there to say? Really...someone somewhere is screaming...»Check Mate"!!!
Haiti's become a simple game of chess...
Every Haitian is a pawn in someone's game...
Sad thing is no one is sure whose game it is... Who are the key players?
How did most of us even get in this stupid game? How did we become pawns? Why did we become pawns?
Whether we like it or not, it is true. We are being used towards someone’s personal objectives and ambitions. It’s no longer for the common good, actually was it ever?
In the game of chess the rules are simple….When you play your game of chess, be careful of your moves. Be careful of your steps. Be careful of your strategy.
In Haiti, this game of chess has gotten triple complicated…we've developed new rules!
My concern is how much more of this tasteless game will us pawns continue to endure?
Game should be over! As soon as there is foul play……….all fun is out the window.
One wrong move, the end of the game should have come.
One wrong move? Check mate.
Why are we still playing? It’s a simple game for crying out loud!
Not many like to know they are pawns, not many even like to acknowledge that life is a game of chess…my question again is why have we not only accepted this game but are official players?
For the first time in my history I have no words when it comes to Haiti. 
I have concluded that you have to be of a HUGE mind to do politics and my small brain can no longer go at it.
I will keep this short I promise; all I know is the return of Jean-Claude Duvalier in Haiti is a start of something. Not sure what. I am sure we will all know soon.
One thing is certain, Préval is by far the smartest or stupidest politician Haiti's ever seen. 
I have to mend my heart and prepare myself for anything when it comes to my beloved, only then will I make it.
Mentally Haiti is just a bit much. I hate that our emotions are constantly played with. Do we appear to be this stupid? I won't say much more…..I’m becoming incoherent!