Saturday, December 11, 2010

Boiling up...

I am frustrated at the people who are frustrated at the people who are frustrated…huh? I have a point, I promise!

I’ve never gone hungry; I grew up in a house that had an actual room as a pantry. Where, rice, beans, pasta, flour, sugar, canned milk and more, were stocked as if we had our own private grocery store, where the freezers were always filled with meat. I grew up around the time where refrigerators could still be on, all day long, because electricity wasn’t an issue. I grew up, expecting and always getting breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner and super. I have never gone hungry. I don’t know what it feels like to be hungry. Even the days that I would complain of being “grangou”, my parents would remind me of what the actual words meant…”avoir grand gout”, far from being hungry; I will not attempt to describe what I think it feels like to be hungry, the kind where someone goes a couple of days without eating. That would be somewhat insulting to try, in my opinion. I will stick to the fact that again; I have never been nor gone hungry.

I have never gone without shelter, as early as I could remember, we always had a house. A nice house, at one point when we lived in Carrefour we had the nicest house in the neighborhood. Then Carrefour wasn’t enough so we moved to Village Theodat in La Plaine, where again we had a gorgeous house. I started counting the bedrooms and stopped at eight….so shelter has never been a problem for me. With the house came the transportation, never an issue there. Each parent had a car, and then there were the chauffeurs, so the only time I took a camionette (public transportation) in my life was because I wanted to, or I had to sneak and do something that my parents did not approve of. When electricity became scarce, I had the Delco, then the Inverter, so again, when most were in the dark I managed to still study, do my homework without any real issues. In addition to regular Haitian games kids played, I grew up with the Nitendo, Satellite TV, being able to travel to the States. I took violin lessons (even though I couldn’t play to save my life), tennis lesson…etc.…so again, I never needed for anything.

Most of the people around me grew up the same way. We all went about our business; most of the time really thinking that life was just that way. I am sure we saw the differences and the inequalities, yet what could we do? As for me, I was just a kid, whose parents were able to provide. I will forever be grateful to GOD for that.

I have said all this to make what point? No, I did not just want to brag about how well I had it growing up. I am frustrated. I am frustrated at the people who are frustrated at the people who take to the streets and cause havoc!

People, Haitians at that, who say that that’s all we are good at, that we have perfected the art of burning tires, breaking businesses and killing each other. I am frustrated at these people. Who sit behind their computers, and tweet or chat all day long about how barbaric Haitians are, without taking a minute to think of WHY they do the things they do.

How would you feel if you couldn’t eat?

How would you feel if your kids could not eat?

How about if you’ve been living under a tent for now eleven months with no apparent hope of leaving there?

How would you feel if you kids have not been able to go to school at all this year, and the year is a month shy of being over…a few weeks actually!

How about if you had no access to clean water and people around you were dying of Cholera, at a rate of thirty people a day! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?? Yes I am screaming!

I do not condone violence. I don’t pardon the fact that someone goes out and destroy what others have worked hard to create. But “tout chien jennen mode”, desperation must make people do crazy things.

I would be frustrated if I couldn’t feed Alexa and Dimitri…I would want answers and even be tempted to break things. I am human, but as long as they keep treating me like an animal, my behavior will reflect that.

I can’t judge these people, for wanting to fight and break for a change. For once I should and will attempt to understand their frustration and commit to doing something about it. I can’t expect them to act like civilized and rational people when I have treated them with so little regard for so long.

Yes, we must find other ways of expressing our anger and frustrations.

Yes, we must engage in dialogue and find common grounds to resolve our so many issues.

But, No, the Haitian people aren’t barbaric.

The Haitian people are tired of being mistreated.

They are reacting to actions committed against them…I need to understand them!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

...Heartless/Cynical or just both?

I have a lot going on in my head...So many emotions, since things have just taken a turn for the worst in Haiti. I am 31 years old and since I was about 6 or 7 I cannot remember a year in Haiti when things weren't taking a turn for the worst. Ironically, every time we all cry that this is it! That "THIS TIME" Haiti will either be saved or doomed forever. 
Today I was in the shower, thinking that Haiti’s 208 years of independence is fast approaching, yet we are so far behind in the game of independent and sovereign countries that it isn’t even necessary to linger on the thought. It’s shameful, disgraceful, appalling, outrageous... (I know, these words all mean about the same thing)!!! You get the point though?
Where did we go wrong? What are we paying for? Why is that that this little country cannot get a break? I think we have yet to see the wealth of Haiti! Someone, somewhere knows more about what we have to offer then we do, therefore they have one purpose in mind…that of keeping us crippled for their own personal good.  Hear me out, as messed up as it’s been, why is it that everyone in Haiti fight for one position? Why does everyone want power? Why so much raucous over the highest seat of the most impoverished nation in the Western Hemisphere? Illogical right!!! The one position that most of the time gets them kicked out of the country for good!!! Are they really ALL corrupt? Why would not one single one of them have our interest in mind. Or wait, why is it that even if they did, as soon as they walk into the white house all of that changes? Why do they so easily and carelessly forget about us? Why do they sell out, without a care for they own kind? How does it not bother them to see how we are living as a nation? Are they blind? Have they been blinded? I know, politics stinks in most countries. Even here in these great United States, corruption happens! Yes, I agree, but they provide their people with a minimum, a small amount of their needs are met enough to shut them up. Their kids eat, go to school, they are able to find work, and have a place to lay their heads at night. The BASICS. When will our leaders find a way to shut us up? When will they get tired of hearing us complain about the same issues over and over again? When will it resonate? Who's going to be the leader to take us to the next level? Who will be tired of shaming us globally? Who will stop treating us like animals, because quite frankly, these so called leaders have only served one purpose in our lives....that of bringing the worse out of us! They mistreat us, we get tired, so much so that we take the streets and act like animals and fools. I will forever wonder! 
In any event, one thing is certain…they all fight for the wrong reasons. Imagine if all that energy, money and passion was invested in actually doing SOME good for the country? I mean, we are talking about a people who are asking for the most basic things…food, shelter, work, health care…etc…The most basic. Yet, no one can commit to providing that little to them….Somehow; to someone our misery is sweet and beneficial. Enfin! 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Someone had this as their status on Facebook today... "It’s easier to wait for the results of an AIDS test, then to wait for those of the Haitian elections"....Now that the results are out, I am not sure which is worse. Haiti has once again been handed a sentence. A terminally ill disease!  Some say that we have been at this cancer for 20 years now...Only blaming the issues on the last group in power. Is that just though? When will we all take responsibility for this raging cancer, that's been eating at us for over 20 years?
Our forefathers left us a gem; we pride ourselves at saying that Haiti was once a pearl, forgetting that we all have contributed to her losing her sparkle. It would take too long and too many strokes to go back and recall every single guilty party, yet we must all respond to the culpable call.
Interesting how we get passionate and feisty when things are going wrong, but we forget that things are ALWAYS wrong in Haiti. We have settled for this way of life, it’s become our standard. The people who have forced this sense of normalcy down our throats know well that we are nowhere near normal…yet we allow them to continue to poison us with their ideals, or lack thereof!
Why is it that as a people we are able to swallow this….over and over? Why do we not only let them rape the country, but us, as the living children of the country? How do we forget so quickly, only to turn right back into the same deep shit we had just recovered from? When will we learn, that we deserve better.  Our kids, from generation to generation are handed down this diseased country without even a prescription, let alone a cure. We are not asking for a magic pill! Nah….far from that, we are merely asking for a conscious effort to be made towards finding a palliative for this cancer.  Everyone’s guilty, guilty of not caring enough, of only caring about ourselves, of not looking at the big picture, of letting this cancer eat at us for so long! We are all guilty of accepting such inadequate care.
Forget the fact that we are sick. It’s already a fact. Now it is up to us, to demand that our illness gets proper care. Because it is curable, we simply need a few doctors who care enough to join the fight and decide that Haiti mustn’t die of this cancer…but that Haiti must continue to be an example of great courage and endurance!
Every Haitian has it in them to win this fight! Let us all become leaders, lovers, defenders, doctors of Haiti…until she’s cured!   

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Haitian elections....these here elections! They have taken over every part of my brain. I eat, sleep, drink, shower and eat some more elections. They have paralyzed me from my regular routine, because I am forever Tuned in, Tweeting or Fbooking...
The other night it was 5am when I woke up to some weird song on Signal FM...I had passed out in front of the laptop.
What to make of these elections though, that is the question? Easy, NOTHING. What a joke afterall, clearly Haitians have lost all of their marbles, by Haitians I guess it would be nice to specify and say Haitian leaders..have lost their marbles. Or maybe its because all of this time we've been thinking that we have leaders!
Since November 28th, my spirit has been sad, sad that once again we missed the mark. Makes me want to scream WHAT NOW? Why is it that everyone sees that a change is needed BUT the ones who can help make the change. How many more songs will be written about Haiti and change? How many more blog entries, poems, tweets, Fbook updates? Why must we continue to be in the news, in a negative way? How come our leaders are not as tired as we are, and actually decide to do something?
I dream of the day when Haiti will be ok, I am not even holding my breath for her to be good. Imagine if our courage and resilience was used in a more productive way? Imagine where we could be right now as a nation.
Haiti needs that one leader who loves her so much that he or she will actually care enough to make that one turn we all need. He or she won't allow anyone into bullying her into doing things that are not in the interest of the country. Haitians will be put first in Haiti, imagine that! Until then, until the day that people, so called leaders stop thinking of personal goals, power and money, Haiti will continue to be in this rut...longing for better days!
Now we all wait for the result of the elections, if the rumors are correct, may God watch over our beloved like never before!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

...I am taking the plunge!

Last month, around exactly the same time...I was in a rut! I did not know which foot should go first. I had no idea if I should stand or sit. I am still in a rut technically, because my mind is going at 100 miles per hour, but at least I now not only have lifted a foot, but I have a destination in mind. 
To most, this will sound like the most absurd if not crazy idea on the face of the earth. 
But I am moving back to Haiti. My sail is set to ship out. I will keep you posted as far as a date is concerned. Why? Are you crazy? You would trade your life in America for Cholera? I have heard it all! But yea, if it doesn't work out I will pack up and move back...but for now I am determined to move back home and make the best of every situation hits me!
I moved to the States 15 years ago, and a month after I moved here, I knew in my heart that my place was not here. I have been grateful for the life here but it isn't mine. I have been ranting and chanting that one day I will move back, well...I guess the time has come. 
I am not sure what to expect once I go back home, I imagine that life will be extremely difficult, again its been 15 years, everything in Haiti is different, yet I am ready. Should I postpone this any longer, I will forever live my life wondering how my life would have been had I never left. I might have died in that earthquake, who knows! But I must go, I must know! I have unfinished business with/and in Haiti. The young girl who just packed up and moved is still there and she needs to reconnect with her reality.
That fire in my eyes, I know where it is, I left it there a while back and traded my life for comfort and ease. I had convinced myself all this time that my place was here, yet deep inside I am slowly dying, because my heart belongs there. 
So I am taking the plunge! 

Head first! I will worry about the cuts and the bruises as they occur. 
I long to be there, I yearn to know what my future can hold THERE. I am happy to start 2011 under those terms, I pray that God continues to watch over me because deep inside I know He is sending me there....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

In a rut...

I used to think I was different, but then I started thinking that everyone must think the same about themselves. So I stopped thinking that my being and/or feeling different was special! Than it all started going wrong, because as soon as I started ignoring my special differences I started loosing touch with who I really was. I started caring too much about how people would see me and think of me. Then I started loosing my big voice. It became more about "them" then "me" and my purpose.
I love talking to my dad, especially lately, because he never fails to remind me that I have lost that gift, that fire I once had. Today, after our usual chatter, he asked me if I had fallen in a rut...he proceeded to say that he felt as if i was stuck and didn't know how to start off again. Remember the part about how much i love talking to him? Because he is often right on the money. I have been in a rut for 6 months now. Not knowing what foot to put in front of the other. Stuck like chuck...something about 2010, I tell ya! 
Not too long a go, a childhood friend commented that I had lost the little "fire" that I used to have in my eyes, that, based on her observation I am existing instead of  living. I have become complacent, content with just fulfilling the everyday chores and going about my usual business. I have stopped pushing myself, I have stopped living with a real purpose......Light bulb moment! 
I am not even sure why I am sharing this with possibly the entire world, maybe because I am crying out or re-claiming that sense of purpose. Maybe its time I set out to live my full potential and do the things that I know for sure I was made and created to do.
I can only imagine how sweet life must be, if you are living out your dreams and God given potentiality. Even sweeter if while doing that you can touch a few peoples lives and help them get there as well..........
I will know soon, I am on a quest...I know the path, I just need to get back on the road and remain focused!  Because I am differently special...or especially different..........I must start or continue to act like it!


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Welcome September...

For a while now I hated Septembers. They always reminded me of the saddest moments of my life. Leaving Haiti, leaving home for this now new home. I hated the fact that everything had to change for me. I left my school, my friends to move here on September 9th 1995. Geez, 15 years ago. I cannot even begin to believe that it has been this long.
I still hated Septembers, until about 3 years ago when the month started to mean something else to me. The birth of Alexa.
Now when I think of September, I think of yet another change, a more positive change in my life. The month I became a mother, to the smartest little being on earth,...well ok, to me she is.
Well, welcome September of 2010...anxiously awaiting Alexa's Carnival bang....and whatever else you will bring!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

This little girl has my heart!!!

Mama's Boy

Fish Soup with Macaroni

This dish came out really good! Kids friendly...Alexa and Dimitri love pasta so this worked!
Serves 6 
2 tbsp olive oil
2 onions, sliced
1 garlic clove, finely choped
4 cups fish stock or water
14oz chopped tomatoes (can use canned)
4oz dried macaroni
18 live mussels, scrubbed and debearded
1lb monkfish fillet cut into chuncks ( I used tilapia)
8oz raw shrimps, shelled and deveined, tails left on
Salt and pepper 
* *I added my Haitian flavor, season as desired**

Finding my NICHE

I haven't been on here in a little while now...I have been busy I guess...or just Fbooking more then blogging. Lately I have been trying to find my niche, I know that I have many interest, but never would i imagine being at home with these kids would bring me so much joy.....I feel complete because I get to see them, raise them. I am praying and pushing that the things that are in the works "work" out so that I can keep the current accommodations. So...I have been cooking a LOT of course, staying at home means being there and really being responsible for everyone's belly. Guess what? I have been not only enjoying...but LOVING every minute of my cooking escapades. I am trying everything, recipe book at have asked for the recipes, so stay tuned, I will be posting them on the blog! Enjoy, most importantly cook for people you love and cherish....

Thursday, April 15, 2010

No regrets!!!...yet....

Confusion has set many options and avenues, yet I don't feel like I want to take any of them. After 5 years I am unemployed again. I am looking, yet I don't want to really find. I am craving for the opportunity to be able to stay at home with my 2 loves.
My mind races million miles per hour, thinking, hoping, that i can find a way to turn the sooooo many things i love to do, into something lucrative...which will then grant me more time with the kids.
I am again, so thankful to have gotten up and left my old job. Its been so rewarding to spend time with these two crazy kids! I regret nothing!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

New to this!

I am new to blogging!!! Seems exiting so I am looking forward to this virtual way of venting and sharing bits and pieces of my life with the world...