Tuesday, November 2, 2010

In a rut...

I used to think I was different, but then I started thinking that everyone must think the same about themselves. So I stopped thinking that my being and/or feeling different was special! Than it all started going wrong, because as soon as I started ignoring my special differences I started loosing touch with who I really was. I started caring too much about how people would see me and think of me. Then I started loosing my big voice. It became more about "them" then "me" and my purpose.
I love talking to my dad, especially lately, because he never fails to remind me that I have lost that gift, that fire I once had. Today, after our usual chatter, he asked me if I had fallen in a rut...he proceeded to say that he felt as if i was stuck and didn't know how to start off again. Remember the part about how much i love talking to him? Because he is often right on the money. I have been in a rut for 6 months now. Not knowing what foot to put in front of the other. Stuck like chuck...something about 2010, I tell ya! 
Not too long a go, a childhood friend commented that I had lost the little "fire" that I used to have in my eyes, that, based on her observation I am existing instead of  living. I have become complacent, content with just fulfilling the everyday chores and going about my usual business. I have stopped pushing myself, I have stopped living with a real purpose......Light bulb moment! 
I am not even sure why I am sharing this with possibly the entire world, maybe because I am crying out or re-claiming that sense of purpose. Maybe its time I set out to live my full potential and do the things that I know for sure I was made and created to do.
I can only imagine how sweet life must be, if you are living out your dreams and God given potentiality. Even sweeter if while doing that you can touch a few peoples lives and help them get there as well..........
I will know soon, I am on a quest...I know the path, I just need to get back on the road and remain focused!  Because I am differently special...or especially different..........I must start or continue to act like it!