Monday, January 7, 2013

Emotional and spiritual jumping jacks :/

I don't believe in New Years resolutions! Mainly because I never keep them and feel like a total failure not even two months into the new year. Like i am still overweight. I typed fat but decided to be nicer to myself :/
The thought of excercizing is still so foreign to me. I had promised myself last year to read more, tweet and facebook less. Nah. Still kept the same pace.
I have thought of many ways to save more. Only to get really broke and simply think of all the ways I should have saved. Shaking My Head.
Ah blogging, I was suppose to do more of that too. And open my online business. Bref, do you get the point?
Whatever motivates most people to make resolutions and actually keep them; I don't have.

Every first of the year though, my mind runs at 100 miles an hour. Looking and silently promising myself  "a change"! A change. What could I possibly commit to doing better this year?
A whole lot! But so far, seven days into 2013 and only one thing thugs at my heart: an emotional and spiritual detox.
I am tired of being vain, thinking and constantly worrying about my looks, smarts and financial well being. This year, although not a resoution, I would like to pay attention to myself , my emotional and spiritual well being. 

Since I have moved to Haiti I have not found a home church. I am actually glad I haven't. I thought that spiritually I needed to be inside a building to trust, serve and be connected to God. It helps. But I don't feel like Ive missed much. For the kids sake I will continue to look. But.... I digress...

2012 was good but the most emotionally charged year I have gone through in a while. I shed a lot of tears. A lot. Resolution kept or not, I made it. My family made it. I am still married ( was supposed to be going through a divorce) and my kids are fine. Were sick a LOT but are healthy. My parents are still alive. Mom is doing so much better. My siblings are well and kicking. Zaria has brought such a fun and pretty addition to our lives. 
In 2013 I would like to shed everything. I'd like to pray more. Medidate more. Keep a journal again and write down how I am emotionally. To be more in tune with my feelings.

I would like to be spiritually and emotionally fit, lean and long. Hopefully, dare again. Like back in 2011(I moved back to Haiti). Take another big jump. Do something I have contemplated doing a while. Who knows. Laugh at my fears. Tackle my fears. Move past them. Do something about them. Discover new fears. I Dont Know.

In 2013 I am better spiritually, because I have decided to be. In 2013 I am better emotionally because I control my emotions and am ready to deal with the things that drain me and bring me heartaches.

So I guess I don't really need to make any new resolutions sinve I have decided and resolved my 2013 fate. It shall be as I pray and wish for. A spiritually and emotionally fit 2013. Eevrything else will fall into place, accordingly.

Happy New Year again :) 

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