TiSakSuk

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Its been a while since I have blogged, I was busy taking the plunge of my life. So, finally, after the many back and forth trips I am in Haiti. I plan to be here for however long it takes, hopefully Haiti doesn't kick me out again :-)
Kids are adjusting, I was worried about them not "Liking" it, well as expected they LOVE it so far. Alexa complains about the mosquitoes, which she calls "mouche". Dimitri is not getting used to the heat yet, but its a matter of time until he settlles in.
My father in loving this, he gest to permenantly be a grandfather. That I enjoy seeing on a daily basis. I am being spoiled...I know it wont last long. I am like the "just come"...everything I think of wanting I get. What a wonderful week it has been so far.
I will keep everyone posted on the time here, I feel its important to blog about my adventure, the good and the bad...so, I will try my hardest to update on a weekly basis.
Toodles...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Black Love...

February is here! I am always excited to welcome a new month! February being here means that I survived January, with everything that it brought. Until I moved to the States, I only thought of Valentines’ day when it came to February. The LOVE month; the month we go all out, well some of us. I remember visiting Madrid a few years back, on a 14^th of February, the whole city was covered in red roses, and hotels were sold out! They take that holiday that seriously.

Between Black History month and Valentine’s Day, I am feeling inspired to write about black love. Not that I have any type of prejudice against any other type or color of love….I only know about black love. I’ve only really had a chance to admire black love. Something about being loved and feeling loved and knowing you are loved by a black man is just magical. I won’t even venture into a Haitian man; I will keep it generalized to all black man.

I truly feel like it takes a certain woman to understand, comprehend, and appreciate a black man. A black man, to me, often time comes with a baggage, whether it be frustration, the feeling of being misunderstood, not being good enough, it’s always something that makes them need the constant reassurance of a solid, loving woman. It took me sometime to be that woman, but I think I am closer to being there. Love takes work; I was too young to process that before. If I knew than what I know now, about love, about my black man……….I would have made fewer mistakes, I would have loved him more, not just with my heart but my head and my complete being.

I am no expert in relationships; Lord knows I go through my ups and downs! So much so that I am shocked at every single day that finds me still in love with my black man. Without a doubt in my head and heart, my black man loves me, he’s own way. My friends always joke around and say that he “really” loves me, the kind of love that most girls look for. He looks out for me, and always makes sure I see and feel like he has my best interest in mind. How much our love has grown? Who would have thought? It took me simply understanding and appreciating him, for who is he to fully benefit from the love he has for me.

As the days get closer for me to move, I start to wonder how will I make it? He has truly become my black prince charming; who will look for me in the middle of the night? Who will scratch my hair, and release the constant tension in my neck? Who will cover my feet in the middle of the night, and shower me with random kisses? Who will I cuddle with in the middle of the night? Who will wake me up in the night for those pillow talks? Whose attention will I have, whose smile, look, love? Who will call me 15 times in a row while I am out? Who’s going to spoil me, and seek out my presence all day long? Who will watch my sappy shows with me?

I pray that black love gets me through this separation….I pray that our love becomes stronger as the days goes by!

Monday, January 31, 2011

No more Drama....please

This past week was though, to say the least. I swear sometimes I think I stay in the drama club. The more drama free I think I am, the more drama creeps up on me. I had to sit back this past week and do a little introspective, questioning my issues and how I might contribute to the staying and perpetuating of the drama in my life. Enough with the drama already! This time, I take none of the blame, I swear. I can be a pest, I acknowledge that, but this time around, I really, truly didn’t do it. I have gone through dramas that make me feel like I am riding on the worse roller coaster ever, yet this time can’t compare. For some reason, this ride is rougher, these tracks rise in patterns I’m unfamiliar with, and these inversions have left me upside down. Can someone please flip the switch? Can I be brought back to earth? Where things are usually OK for me, where people respect each other and look out for each other.

This past week was tough, to say the least. My sister, Farah keeps reminding me that the only way I can survive life is to lower my expectations in people. The higher I put them, the more I hurt when they let me down. As if them letting me down is to be expected. We’ve all fall short, I know that. But am I to lower how I see people? My expectations, do I change them to fit how short people fall? What will be left then? Shouldn’t people aim higher? Whatever happened to accountability and trust and integrity? Again, why should I change my standards to accommodate someone who obviously doesn’t really get it? So many questions, I know!

This past week was tough, to say the least. I am not perfect; far from that! Ewww …I am guilty of some of the unimaginable acts, therefore I would never act like I am on a pedestal looking down and scolding others for doing wrong. The only big difference between me and most is that I acknowledge my wrongs and am woman enough to always apologize. Does an apology change the acts? It does not; I agree. The apology helps though, it tells me that yes I messed up, but you know what, I was wrong. I am working on being better and not repeating those acts towards you or anyone else. An apology can make or break a dramatic situation. Not apologizing simply scream that the guilty party does not care, that by all means necessary they are and will not accept blame for the wrong they have done. That hurts more than the actual act; my opinion.

This past week was though, to say the least. But notice how it’s in the past tense. Then so am I with this drama. Everyone who knows me knows that I am somewhat of a cry baby, well a huge cry baby. Yet, I have not been able to drop not one tear…not sure that I am sad, just shocked that it all had to end like this. Now that I have my big girl panties on, I am ready to tackle whatever comes my way, my way! I still hold people on a pedestal; I don’t want to even think that I can’t. Thinking that way will make me feel like I truly live in a jungle, with animals. Where everyone is out to fend for themselves. I don’t want to even think that way; yet. So I am still confident that people are good at heart, they just make mistakes. I pray that they learn from them and most importantly man/woman up when they do fall and admit to their faults so that closure can be brought and trust restored. Although in this particular instance, I won’t hold my breath…

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Things I absolutely LOVE

I have a lot on my mind tonight, yet no words comes to mind....funny huh? .....So I wanted to keep it light and just share a little about me! I will add to this whenever! Comment if you would! That way I know you stopped by...